NAVIGATING BLENDED FAMILIES

According to research, 1,300 step or blended families are formed everyday and 30 million children under the age of 13 are living in a step or blended family.

Currently many of us are born or raised or related to someone in a blended family.  And for some reason, we are struggling with several issues like identity crisis, hot temperedness etc. But how can we ensure that the past mistakes are not passed on to the younger generation?

On the other hand, having children doesn’t mean that your life has ended.  But, it means you have a responsibility to raise them into responsible adults who can take care of themselves and not become a burden to you and society at large.

A story is told of Amelia, a young woman, 35 years of age who met Josef and they fell in love and got married. Josef was divorced with 5 children (1 girl  and 4 boys aged  15, 12,10 , 8 and 4 respectively) and Amelia had none but they were committed to raising their children in a safe and harmonious home.

Before marriage , Josef introduced Amelia to the children on her birthday as a friend after which they would casually meet and try to let the children know Amelia and for Amelia to know the children as well.

Josef’s children quickly warmed up to Amelia except for the 10 year old boy who openly shared his feelings about how he never wanted Amelia to replace his mother and his mother would soon come back. This boy was equivalent to 10 mischievous children, he pulled all sorts of stunts  on Amelia, some even life threatening .

All in all, it is difficult to get children to blend in a blended family. Often, there will be a child or several of them who are against the whole idea of the blended family. But, there are also those who are warm and will even request their parents to get a partner. It takes a lot of patience and being intentional about several aspects of the relationship to actually make it work.

How do you as a parent maintain or create that bond between you and your children when your children are being raised by someone else. What is the fate and future of those children?

And what are the pros and cons of bringing your children into the relationship?

We have also witnessed or  heard of children being abused in some of these relationships by either partners.

How do you create a peaceful and a safe environment for the children and the spouses?

Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah

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Celebrating mothers

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let’s just celebrate and support mothers

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Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah

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Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah

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Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah

NAVIGATING BLENDED FAMILIES part 2

In the olden days and maybe not much currently, if a woman had a child or children and decided to re-marry or get married, those children from previous relationships were mostly left behind with grandmothers (grand parents).

Sometimes,  the children were even kept  a secret from the new partner. This was partly because of the fear of rejection by the new partner. Additionally, it was because children from previous relationships were considered burdens that would threaten the newly found relationship and the list goes on.

These scenarios have left children in a very confusing state, with serious emotional and social problems, mental health struggles etc.  These children kept in the dark wonder how to refer  to their parents, how or who to approach  when they are in need. Wherever they live, they are always going to be second or third class members of those homes, without the same right to make demands or mistakes like other kids from the nuclear side of that home.

25% of youth in the USA have serious social and emotional problems resulting from being a product of a blended or step family, according to the Step Family Foundation . Not that blended families are entirely bad. In fact, many of them have big merits, a story we have reserved for another day….

What about us here in Uganda where more accurate statistics are unavailable, unknown.These children, when young, end up calling their grandparents their parents and their real parents siblings or aunt.

It is always a shocking revelation for the younger children as they grow up to find out  about their real parents  wondering what is really wrong with them that their own parents have distanced themselves from them.

To be continued in part 3……..

Read Navigating Blended families Part One too

Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah