Preparing for child birth/delivery(Cesarean birth or normal delivery/vaginal birth)- Part 1

Disclaimer: I am not a medical practitioner and These are my personal views as someone passionate about promoting maternal safety.

Pregnancy news is sometimes both exciting and filled with anxiety for couples or intending parents when they think about the child delivery process.

A story is told about Malika and Paul.

Malika and Her husband Paul were excited about their pregnancy  however, as the pregnancy progressed , Malika became  anxious about the delivery process and all the stories that surround it.

She was a woman in her mid twenties and believed there are minimal delivery risks associated with younger women as compared to older women .

She exercised whenever you could, ate like any other pregnant woman, went for antenatal care,took her vitamins and did what every average pregnant Ugandan Woman does.

Two weeks before her due date she came into labour. And because she was yet to get leave from work, she hadn’t travelled back to her mother’s place and  her husband was on work safari for a week. A colleague at work took her to the hospital.

She made a few phone calls to her husband and mother . Her mother was in Arua city which is 14  hours away from Busia where she was.

Malika was a first time mother, and after an agonizing 16 hours, she was just 4cm dilated with very little progress. Her college Rachael suggested they do a scan just to check if things are okay. They requested for a scan and during the scan it was discovered that the baby was in a  breech position and had a very weak heart beat. Which prompted  that an emergency C-section be done in order to save both the life of the baby and Mother .

Malika was this strong woman, who even when the contractions came in (labour pain),  she only held onto  the hospital bed and closed her eyes but not a single sound did she make.

But upon receiving the news about the C-section, Malika started wailing like someone had passed on,  all her bravery was gone. She even almost collapsed but was supported by the doctor and Rachael.

They were then asked to  make a deposit of Ugx.400, 000/= which she did and was rushed to the theatre for an emergency C-section.

To be continued….

Photo credit: E.P.Photografia

Author : Ajal Mary Theodorah
The Two Sides Of Theodorah – WordPress
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NAVIGATING BLENDED FAMILIES

According to research, 1,300 step or blended families are formed everyday and 30 million children under the age of 13 are living in a step or blended family.

Currently many of us are born or raised or related to someone in a blended family.  And for some reason, we are struggling with several issues like identity crisis, hot temperedness etc. But how can we ensure that the past mistakes are not passed on to the younger generation?

On the other hand, having children doesn’t mean that your life has ended.  But, it means you have a responsibility to raise them into responsible adults who can take care of themselves and not become a burden to you and society at large.

A story is told of Amelia, a young woman, 35 years of age who met Josef and they fell in love and got married. Josef was divorced with 5 children (1 girl  and 4 boys aged  15, 12,10 , 8 and 4 respectively) and Amelia had none but they were committed to raising their children in a safe and harmonious home.

Before marriage , Josef introduced Amelia to the children on her birthday as a friend after which they would casually meet and try to let the children know Amelia and for Amelia to know the children as well.

Josef’s children quickly warmed up to Amelia except for the 10 year old boy who openly shared his feelings about how he never wanted Amelia to replace his mother and his mother would soon come back. This boy was equivalent to 10 mischievous children, he pulled all sorts of stunts  on Amelia, some even life threatening .

All in all, it is difficult to get children to blend in a blended family. Often, there will be a child or several of them who are against the whole idea of the blended family. But, there are also those who are warm and will even request their parents to get a partner. It takes a lot of patience and being intentional about several aspects of the relationship to actually make it work.

How do you as a parent maintain or create that bond between you and your children when your children are being raised by someone else. What is the fate and future of those children?

And what are the pros and cons of bringing your children into the relationship?

We have also witnessed or  heard of children being abused in some of these relationships by either partners.

How do you create a peaceful and a safe environment for the children and the spouses?

Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah

The Two Sides Of Theodorah – WordPress
The Two Sides Of Theodorah-Facebook

NAVIGATING BLENDED FAMILIES part 2

In the olden days and maybe not much currently, if a woman had a child or children and decided to re-marry or get married, those children from previous relationships were mostly left behind with grandmothers (grand parents).

Sometimes,  the children were even kept  a secret from the new partner. This was partly because of the fear of rejection by the new partner. Additionally, it was because children from previous relationships were considered burdens that would threaten the newly found relationship and the list goes on.

These scenarios have left children in a very confusing state, with serious emotional and social problems, mental health struggles etc.  These children kept in the dark wonder how to refer  to their parents, how or who to approach  when they are in need. Wherever they live, they are always going to be second or third class members of those homes, without the same right to make demands or mistakes like other kids from the nuclear side of that home.

25% of youth in the USA have serious social and emotional problems resulting from being a product of a blended or step family, according to the Step Family Foundation . Not that blended families are entirely bad. In fact, many of them have big merits, a story we have reserved for another day….

What about us here in Uganda where more accurate statistics are unavailable, unknown.These children, when young, end up calling their grandparents their parents and their real parents siblings or aunt.

It is always a shocking revelation for the younger children as they grow up to find out  about their real parents  wondering what is really wrong with them that their own parents have distanced themselves from them.

To be continued in part 3……..

Read Navigating Blended families Part One too

Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah

THE AFRICAN FIRST-BORN DAUGHTER

Doubling as a first born and a daughter in an African home is a huge lifetime responsibility that comes with its share of benefits and struggles.

Elizabeth is the first child in the family of seven children , a year before her graduation from the university , her parents told her “ now that you are about to finish school you should start planning on how to pay school fees for at least two of your siblings and when you stabilize financially  you can finally take of us ( her parents) and your other siblings.

Elizabeth  was just about 23 years old, still trying to figure out life with dreams of joining the field of academia by enrolling for a masters and in future getting a doctorate and finally becoming a professor.  It’s not that she didn’t intend to take care of her siblings but she was hoping to better herself and then lift up her family. That semester was tough, she started looking for odd jobs to get some money to save up for the huge responsibility ahead and her dreams were put on hold.

Many first born daughters may identify with a part of  Elizabeth’s story.

First born daughters by default become the deputy parent (s) or commonly second mother  in the home. They take up roles and responsibilities bigger than them in age , size etc that forces them to mature faster than they should. Sometimes they are a specimen for parenting skill trials and often miss out on what childhood is all about .They  are given such high standards and weighed down by huge expectations that being yourself hmm you might have to think again.

The first born daughter is constantly reminded  by parents or the community that
“ You are  the first child of this home  and your siblings learn from you”.
Sometimes Secretly  some parents may wish they had a son or some parents may openly tell it to their  face and they  have to deal with it for the rest of their life.

First born daughters sometimes have the slowest progress in terms of development or accumulation of wealth   because they sacrifice all their resources to ensure their siblings succeed or at least have the basic necessities of life. Some of them, like Elizabeth, immediately finish school and take up all family financial obligations and any responsibilities whether they have a source of income or not.

First born daughters are a bond of reconciliation in the family holding everything and everyone together .
They console everyone but no one consoles them and they console themselves not by choice but because everyone else doesn’t think they need help too.

First born daughters have such a beautiful heart, they may seem tough but they barely have a life of their own and others lives are deeply intertwined in their own lives.They sacrifice so much for everyone and in most cases what they get in return is entitlement and ingratitude.

Ajal Mary Theodorah
https://marytheodorahakoth.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/TheTwoSidesOfTheodorah/

ABUSE OF FREEDOM OF CHOICE

A tale is told of a young man whose parents offered all they could and beyond to give him a decent life.
His parents sold off most of their properties to ensure he got a good education despite their struggles to afford the basic necessities of life like medical services, food etc.

This young man, however, was such a mischievous person, landing into trouble after trouble which broke his parents but he knew how to play his cards, always apologized, acted remorseful and would even wail if need be and the loving parents always fell for it and welcomed him back with open arms.

His parents reached a point where they ran out of resources, however they contacted a well wisher to help their son make a life of his own.

The well wisher talked to their son who spoke so well and convinced the well wisher he was going to do his best. This well wisher was a business man and offered the young man some basic business and financial literacy education for a few months and handed him little capital to kick start his own business.The business man requested that the young man reports to him the progress of his business whenever he could .

The young man was given capital to start a business of his choice but whatever happened to the capital only God knows.

After a few weeks he sent a false report to the well wisher followed by a request for more funds. He didn’t know that the business man had been following his every move without his notice , matter of fact only God knows where the capital went. The well wisher was hoping the young man was going to do better so that he could be added more resources.

In summary, the well wisher told the young man’s parents that their son needs time to see that he needs to take care of himself and needs help, without that, it’s a dead end.

How many times have we abused the freedom of choice maybe not like this young man but in different ways.
But have you ever wondered just look like I do, why does this happen?

‌In my humble opinion I think some individuals take people and many good opportunities for granted. ‌Laziness and the lack of the sense of responsibility for your actions. ‌Living life with the attitude that others owe and it doesn’t matter what they go through to meet your needs.

‌Quick fix of situations without Critical thinking. ‌Feeling powerful and underestimating any consequences that may arise from any other party involved.
And the list goes on….

But, how does a parent, friend or even well wisher support or guard themselves from similar occurrences? That will be a story for another day.

Author: Ajal Mary Theodorah